"The fears we do not face become our limits." - Robin Sharma
When we fear something in life, it can become debilitating. We even feel shame at times over the inability to conquer a fear. This is how I have felt for so long about something so simple to most - completing a triathlon.
I know...it sounds crazy that an Olympic athlete could experience such fear around competing in another sport, but this was my reality, and it was debilitating.
This somewhat "incomplete" goal I set for myself years ago (about 10-15 years ago, to be honest) has eaten away at me for such a long time. I use the word "incomplete" because I did what so many people do when setting goals - they declare they are going to do something without real process behind the goal. I think my inability to put process to this goal was rooted in the very thing I was avoiding - fear.
Fear of failure, to be exact.
It's tough to be vulnerable about this and admit it to myself (and those of your reading), because I coach people on a daily basis to NOT do what I was doing - to not set a goal without process behind it. It's a testament that even those of us who are high performance coaches struggle to implement the very strategies we coach at times.
But, here's the good news...I compete in my first triathlon this weekend. I finally said, "Enough is enough," and about 6 months ago, I put together a clear process and strategy that would lead me to successfully overcoming this fear, and I am going to see it out to the finish line (literally) on Sunday.
Here are a few roadblocks we experience that cause us NOT to face our fears:
We worry we will fail. We have an extremely narrow view of success, and it is often times not something that is within our control; therefore, when our narrow view of success does not happen, we see it as failure.
We are afraid of something not going as planned. We worry that the plan or process we set for ourselves will not go smoothly, and we do not mentally prepare ourselves for the likelihood that we will need to pivot at one or more times during the journey to conquering our fear.
We do not like the unknown. Very few people enjoy getting out of their comfort zone. We do not feel in control when we are out of our comfort zone. Lack of control feels scary, so we tend to avoid it altogether.
We are uncomfortable trying new things and learning new skills. The thought of having to learn a new skill can be daunting to think about. It takes energy and effort, and neither of those two things are easy. We have to make a conscious effort to want to do hard things - things that do not come easy to us.
We worry about being judged. We have trouble letting go of our ego - how we look while facing our fear, if we don't "win" or come out on top while facing our fear. We place too much emphasis on what other people think.
Here is how we can take those roadblocks to set ourselves up for success when facing our fears:
We set a goal that just within our control. The more small micro-goals we can set for ourselves along the way to a larger goal, the better chance we have of slowly watching the fear disappear. We need small wins along the way and the ability to feel some sort of control over the process.
We approach our fear with agility. When we set up a process around facing our fear and the process does not go as planned, we must be resilient and pivot our plan. We have to go into it with a mindset that nothing goes perfectly and there will be times when we get knocked off track. The objective is to get back up and reassess your path to success.
We get comfortable with the unknown. The only way to get comfortable outside our comfort zone is to get experience outside our comfort zone. The more experience you can get outside your comfort zone, the more opportunity you have for growth.
We see the beauty of acquiring a new skill. We have to see acquisition of a new skill or trying new things as a fun challenge, not a daunting task. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Practice makes perfect, and it should be fun to watch yourself grow in the process.
We set our ego aside and focus on ourselves. It is not time for our ego to enter into the picture when facing a fear. We must set aside our ego and focus on improvement, not what others think. Facing our fear is a personal achievement that should not involve anyone else that will not bring complete positivity to the end goal.
It is undeniable that facing a fear is extremely challenging - I know this firsthand. But, I also know that once a fear has been faced, it often times is no longer fearful. That's the beauty of the mind.
My challenge to you is to identify a fear of yours today and create a process around how you are going to conquer that fear.
And, remember one thing, if you forget all the others...preparation, preparation, preparation. Fear can dissipate with thorough preparation.
In pursuit of no limits,
Erin